The Strength of the Introvert in an Extroverted World

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The Strength of the Introvert in an Extroverted World

With New Year’s Eve and all of it’s hoopla and partying only a couple days away, I thought the attached article on “Introverts and the Quest for Quiet” was a nice one to discuss.  I, for one, can’t stand New Year’s Eve.  It’s my least favorite holiday of the year. The reason is that I’m an introvert and we introverts have to really psych ourselves up to go out and enjoy big parties.  They suck the energy right out of us.  If a friend is having a small get together for New Year’s Eve I can enjoy that, but that’s a rarity. I usually end up staying at home and get very down because everyone else is out having so much fun and I’m not able to have fun at a big celebration.

The only problem with being an introvert is that we live in a world that values extroversion.  Extroverts have a much easier time getting ahead than introverts do because they’re more assertive with their ideas and find it easy to build a coalition around what they want.  While introverts are in the background thinking through the pros and cons to an idea and considering which idea will be more successful, or which factors need to be overcome the extroverts are out there promoting the first bright idea that has come to their mind, whether thought through or not.

Many of the people who come to see me for an assessment and counseling referral are introverts.  They have trouble making meaningful connections in this fast pace world.  In another time or place they would have done fine but in this world they fade into the background or get lost in the superficial hum of it all.

The article below reminds us of the quiet strength of the introvert, their natural tendency toward independence, their creativity and their innate leadership potential.  The world may see introverts as too private or sometimes regard their discomfort with fast paced social events as snobbish, but their thoughtful pensiveness can be amongst their greatest strengths.   If you struggle with introversion please read the article below, and if you struggle with getting ahead as a leader in an extroverted world I also recommend that you read the book, “The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet Strength” by Jennifer Kahnweiler.

Here’s wishing everyone out there a very Happy New Year!  Be sure to ring it in in a way that suits the person that you are. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/introverts-and-the-quest-for-quiet/

Lessons for Handling Stress During the Holidays – and Beyond

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Here we are once again in the thick of the holiday season.  I scanned the literature for articles that deal with holiday stress, hoping that there’s something new out there that people haven’t seen a million times, but I didn’t come up with anything new. The advice remains: get enough sleep, exercise, set realistic goals, take breaks from all the activity, plan ahead and make lists. What I did find, however, is this little gem of an article (attached) that addresses five very simple lessons for living.  This article is not so much about the holidays, per se, but about how to maintain strong and ongoing connections and I believe each of these basic principles addresses issues that often get magnified during the holiday season. The lesson I took away from them is to calm down and let things be.  For me, at least, this has always been a hard lesson for me to live.

To summarize the lessons quickly: Lesson 1 tells us to avoid trying to fix others, and instead focus on making changes to ourselves that will improve the relationship. During the holidays the little quirks of our loved ones can become particularly difficult to handle because we’re already stressed.  If we can remember this and remember that we have quirks too, we’ll probably feel better with our loved ones. Lesson 2 tells us to trust the innate goodness of our children and know that our love is enough.  It’s often our own insecurities that cause us to over-parent our kids rather than support and help them along.  Lesson 3, for those seeking a life partner, is to seek someone with values similar to your own.  The excitement of a relationship with someone totally different is exhilarating, but a lot of times it doesn’t last. Lesson 4 is to maintain your connections with friends!  This can’t be overstated.  Our computer-based social networking is great for staying in touch with a lot of people but we really need those in-person, supportive connections on an ongoing basis to healthy and strong all year long. Finally, Lesson 5 builds on Lesson 2 and reminds us that lasting love is not just romantic and sexual love.  It takes hard work and open communication and is not always fun, but can lead to a deeply rewarding life.

Take some time to read through the article and remember, that the best advice during the holidays is the same as the best advice throughout the rest of the year.  Happy holidays to everyone! http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201208/lessons-living

Evaluator, Evaluate Thyself!

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about service quality.  How do we know we’re providing a quality service and how do we get good feedback to provide better service? When I’m recruiting therapists into my network I always ask if they evaluate services with their clients.  I want to make sure that they don’t just finish every session with “See you next week.”   I want to know that they’re checking in with clients to make sure that they’re on track and addressing the issues that clients want to address.  I want them to hear from the client that things are getting better.

The problem is that while most therapists say they evaluate services with clients they may not be getting feedback that is helpful.  When clients are really dissatisfied with services and thinking about dropping out they will often say that everything is fine and on track, just so that they don’t have to deal with a difficult encounter with the therapist.  Evaluation forms help because the client doesn’t have to look the therapist in the eye when telling them that they don’t feel heard, but if the survey just asks simple yes and no questions about satisfaction how do therapists improve?  Once again, the client will usually give the therapist simple praise and if the therapist doesn’t probe they won’t learn anything.

Yesterday I looked at the evaluation form that I have sent to my clients and realized that I’m guilty of the same thing.  My questions are legitimate: Did we help you clarify the nature of the problem you’re seeking help with?, Were you able to connect with the provider you were referred to?, etc. But they don’t give me information to help me improve.  Today I revised my form. Many questions now require more than a simple yes or no. They go beyond “were you satisfied” type questions to ask how it could be better, and what they expected that they didn’t get.  I specifically ask about our initial phone contact in hopes that I’ll learn something about those who say they’ll call me back to schedule, but don’t. My hope is to learn something and do things a little better so that people will feel that services like mine are worth their time and money.  I challenge the ongoing therapists that I work with and others out there to take a look at your evaluation techniques and think about whether you’re getting useful information too.

In Consideration of the Benefits of Long-Term Therapy

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I’ll admit that I’m not a great fan of long-term therapy. Most people who know me well know this about me.  I feel that if you’re in distress you’re looking for relief and you’re looking for a way to not get back into the same situation again, but you don’t want to spend years trying to figure out how.  I try to be open-minded, though.  I know a lot of people that are in long-term relationships with therapists and love what they’re getting from those sessions. I think the most important factor is in how therapy goals are formed and how we evaluate progress with clients. For the most part I agree wholeheartedly with the author of the article below.  The article refers to most long-term therapy as becoming a “dead-end” relationship. In my experience that’s because the therapist is determining what the client’s goals should be and what things will be like when he or she has met their goals.  Oftentimes, the therapist doesn’t help the client learn to function outside of weekly sessions and the client becomes dependent on the therapist for their well-being.  That’s just not healthy!  I agree with the author that most people “seek therapeutic help for discrete, treatable issues” and can resolve those issues within a short time frame.  For those who have achieved their goals and want to continue with therapy, or for those who are looking for a longer term, relationship focused experience I think the goals need to also be clearly stated, and the expectation for how long is reasonable for a client to stay in counseling should be discussed.  If therapy is not “working” it’s often because the client and therapist are not in alignment about goals or the therapist is facilitating a dependency that gives clients the message that they can’t make it on their own.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/opinion/sunday/in-therapy-forever-enough-already.html?_r=3

Tips on Interviewing Therapists

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In my last post I critiqued an article that discusses how to find a therapist and that suggests interviewing a handful of therapists before choosing one. My contention was that since no one enjoys repeating the intimate and painful parts of their lives to strangers, it is not realistic to expect people to go out on multiple interviews before choosing a therapist.  At Compatible Counseling Solutions one of the ways I try to make the process a little easier is by working with therapists that I’ve already interviewed, and that I am satisfied are competent and skilled as therapists.  Since I’m not vulnerable in the way a client is when I meet with therapists, I’m able to be objective and make a determination about their suitability for my network that is based on specific principles of effectiveness. Then when I meet with clients, matching them with the right therapist is as simple as getting to know the client’s situation and what type of therapist they will work well with.

If you are someone who still would rather go out and interview therapists on your own, here are some of the specific questions I suggest you ask:

1. What field of practice were you trained in (social work, psychology, marriage and family therapy etc.) and are you licensed by the state? How long have you been practicing?

Different professions have different preferred ways of helping individuals so it’s good to know the person’s background.  Do not rule out a therapist who has only been practicing for a short time.  Newer practitioners have less experience, but may be more current on effective helping models.  If the therapist is new to the field, make sure they have had a few years in which their work was supervised by a more experienced therapist.

2. What are your areas of expertise?

No one is good at everything, yet sometimes you will find a therapist that claims to have expertise in a seemingly endless list of problem areas.  This may be a red flag.

3. How do you see change happening?  What models and techniques do you use, and for what problems?

What is most important here is that the therapist can answer the question with some clarity. Most therapists use a variety of techniques from different treatment models, but if a therapist says that their model is “eclectic”, be sure that they can explain what this means. For example: with clients who are experiencing a lot of anxiety I often do “x”. 

4. How do you go about establishing goals and evaluating progress with clients?

A therapist should be able to tell you not only how they establish goals and evaluate progress (both should be collaborative processes), but also how frequently they evaluate progress.  Goal setting and evaluation do not need to be formal, paper and pen, processes but there should be some dialogue about what you’re working on and how you feel the work is going.

5. How often do you meet with clients? 

Weekly for 50 minutes is the standard, but many therapists will flex the frequency of services to meet the intensity of need.  Early in services sessions are often weekly, or even more frequent.  When a client has been in services for a while they may no longer need a weekly session and can gain more by lessening the frequency. 

6. What is your average length of service?

Average number of sessions may be more informative than average number of weeks/months. A therapist may have an average number of sessions that ranges 10-12, but may not meet weekly with clients so that the average time in service may actually be longer.  Some therapists expect to work with clients on an ongoing basis that could last for more than a year.  It’s important to understand the therapist’s orientation to length of service.  Some people want to develop a very long-term relationship with a therapist. Many people, however, are coming to services for immediate problem resolution and expect to have their situation resolved more quickly.

Interviewing to Find a Therapist is Rarely Quick and Simple

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Interviewing to Find a Therapist is Rarely Quick and Simple

This is a very interesting, but in my opinion a somewhat flawed article on how to find a therapist.  The author does a great job describing the dilemmas facing people when they want to find a therapist.  The biggest problem is that they are in a time of great stress and are seeking help that requires them to be at their most vulnerable.  If you’re going to go out pay someone to see you at your most vulnerable you definitely want to make sure it’s the right person.

The place where the author of this article loses me is when they say that the solution is to talk to and meet with a handful of therapists before choosing one.  I realize that this advice is given all the time, and that some people actually do interview a number of therapists before choosing one.  It’s exhausting however, and a fair number of inquiries I receive are from people who have started interviewing therapists and are frustrated and exhausted by the process. Most people are cringing when they pick up the phone to call even one therapist. They are very invested in the therapist being “the right one” for them and when he or she isn’t what they had hoped for it’s a real let down.

Compatible Counseling Solutions was created as a way to help the client through this process and link them with someone that will be a good match for them the first time. My goal is always to make this tough task a little less stressful for the client and leave them with a better sense of where they’re going and what they need.

If you want to try the search and interview process, the article below gives you some good places to start. In the end, though, the information and biographical statements provided on websites and in directories may not get you to the right therapist very quickly.  You’ll still have to rely on your feelings to guide you, as the traits that will repel you from a particular therapist are rarely apparent on paper.  In my next posting I will discuss the characteristics I look for and the questions I ask when looking for therapists for my network.

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-01-18/health/sc-health-0118-therapist-20120118_1_therapist-practice-executive-director

 

Evidence Based Relationships: Matching Clients to the Right Therapist Really Matters

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Evidence Based Relationships: Matching Clients to the Right Therapist Really Matters

The article below is all about what we try to do at Compatible Counseling Solutions: match clients with the right therapist to meet their needs.  The national directories of therapists are helpful in providing some basic biographical information on therapists that gives you an idea of what models of treatment they use and what emotional or relationship issues they have the most experience in addressing.  While this is a huge improvement over choosing a therapist just by their address, or by a recommendation that they’re “good” it’s still not enough.  Most therapist biographies say that having a strong relationship is crucial to success in therapy, and they’ll tell you that they provide a safe environment for you to express yourself and feel heard.  Really though, there’s so much more to it than that.  For example, some people don’t feel comfortable with an unstructured approach that is based in reflection and validation. Others don’t feel heard with a therapist who is structured and uses a lot of direction.

In the attached article the author describes the relationship factors that play into choosing the right therapist. The therapists that work with Compatible Counseling Solutions have a variety of backgrounds and expertise’s, but also vary in how direct and or structured they are in their work with clients, how and if they incorporate spirituality in their work, whether insight or problem solving are their primary approaches, and whether they are primarily strength based or are more focused on problematic issues.  These are some of the therapist characteristics that are important when matching a client to a therapist. http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/recentissues/1304-clinicians-digest

Eliciting Client Feedback – It’s Meaningless if not Used to Improve Services

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The article in the link below is a very honest depiction of some of the problems we encounter when we ask clients for feedback on our services.  Usually when we give our clients a feedback tool for them to complete one of two things happens.  If we have them complete the form in a session they will usually tell us what they think we want to hear.  If we send it to them in the mail they will usually ignore it completely unless they were really dissatisfied and angry about our services.  In these cases the client has usually already left services and we have no opportunity to use the feedback constructively. We often use the negative feedback to pathologize the client or to justify that he or she wasn’t ready or wasn’t open to what we had to give.  This leaves therapists without a good sense of what they are doing well and what they ought to change.

The therapist who wrote this article took a courageous stance in probing more deeply with the client for her true feelings and then backing out of his interpretations of the negative feedback.  He recognized his tendency to blame the client for her dissatisfaction, took an objective look at his practices and made changes in the way he worked with his client that ultimately led to her improved satisfaction and significant progress in addressing her problems. As he started using feedback consciously with all of his clients his dropout rate decreased from 37% to 18%.

The implications of using client feedback in this way are enormous.  It’s not just about improving satisfaction with services and reducing dropouts.  Listening consciously to clients and using their feedback constructively is incredibly empowering for the client.  Every time we do it, it sends the message to them that they are heard, that how they feel matters, and that feelings of being misunderstood in therapy are not all their fault!

http://www.psychotherapy.net/article/psychotherapy-dropouts

Find a Therapist in Chicago

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Find a therapist in Chicago.  It Shouldn’t be so difficult.

Compatible Counseling Solutions takes the mystery out of finding a quality therapist in Chicago and its suburbs. We provide comprehensive assessments of your issues or concerns and straightforward information on how to find a licensed counselor or clinical therapist that will best meet your needs.  Our services are designed for those who want a more transparent experience with the mental health field, and who want to make an informed choice of a Chicago therapist or counselor.  Learn more…

Sally Frau, LCSW, is the Director of Compatible Counseling Solutions.  Ms. Frau graduated from the University of Chicago, School of Social Service Administration in 1990 and has over 20 years of experience in counseling individuals and families, and in providing supervision and consultation services to Chicago therapists and counselors.  Ms. Frau’s expertise is in service model development and ensuring the provision of quality services.  As the former director of program development and implementation for a large social service agency in Chicago, Ms. Frau ensured that staff in the agency provided best practice and goal-oriented counseling services.  Ms. Frau trained staff in how to generate and evaluate service plans with clients and in how to work collaboratively with them as partners rather than as patients.  Her orientation is to enhance each person’s ability to resolve issues and concerns independently, and to tailor the frequency of services to meet each client’s individual needs.